We paid the  deposit for our son's house and now his ex wants a share (2025)

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Dear Vanessa,

Three years ago, my husband and I gave our son $250,000 to help him buy his first home. The house is in his name only, and we were proud to be able to support him with such a significant deposit.

About a year after he moved in, his girlfriend moved in too. They lived together for two years, and while she didn't contribute to the deposit, she did pay half the mortgage and household expenses during their relationship.

They've recently broken up - and now that he's met someone new, things have taken a turn. His ex is angry and has started saying she's entitled to a share of the property because she contributed financially while living there.

My husband is furious. He feels we've been taken advantage of and says we should have put something in writing at the time to protect our contribution. He wants our son to speak to a lawyer and is worried we'll see our hard-earned money disappear.

I feel caught in the middle. I do have sympathy for his ex - she stood by him and shared the financial load - but at the same time, she didn't put anything towards the deposit. I don't want to see our son lose his home, or for this to become a legal and emotional mess.

Should we have done things differently? And what can we do to help him protect what's his?

Linda.

Hi Linda,

What a tricky situation - but sadly, not an uncommon one. You're right that money, relationships, and real estate can be a volatile mix, especially when things aren't clearly documented from the start.

The issue here is whether your son's ex can legally establish a financial orde facto interest in the property. While she didn't contribute to the deposit, paying half the mortgage and living together for two years could give her grounds to make a claim - particularly if they were considered a de facto couple under the law in your state or country.

This is absolutely the time for your son to speak to a family lawyer who specialises in property settlements. You and your husband should probably do the same to clarify whether your $250,000 was a gift or a loan because that distinction could matter.

That said, this isn't just a legal issue, it's an emotional one, too. I understand your sympathy for your son's ex, especially if she contributed in good faith. But I also understand your husband's frustration. You gave that money to help your son build a future, not to see it caught up in a messy breakup.

The lesson here is one that so many families learn the hard way: when large amounts of money are involved - even within families - legal protection matters. Formalising a gift or loan agreement doesn't mean you love or trust your child any less. It just protects everyone if things don't go to plan.

I hope this doesn't escalate into a court battle, but your son will need to take it seriously. Encourage him to act quickly, get the right advice, and avoid emotional confrontations.

And if you're ever in this position again with another child or family member, don't be afraid to get it in writing next time. It's not about being cold - it's about being smart.

Take care,

Vanessa.

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